Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Fuzzywig-My Baby boy
Wednesday, July 07, 2010 | 
Posted by
Debra
Young Fuzzywig
It is with profound sadness in my heart that I write to tell you, last Monday morning I found my beloved cat “ Fuzzywig” lying dead at the side of the road just a half block from the only home he ever knew. He had been hit by a car---a speeding one no doubt. People drive way to fast on this street. They don’t look for cats, or dogs or even kids.
Fuzzywig was our little baby and orphan. He just showed up one day. He was the cutest ball of fur you ever did see. He looked around and decided to stay. He was maybe 6-8 weeks old. He’s been with us ever since. Marty came up with the name and it did indeed seem to fit. He made quick friends with Jingle who was about the same age and they have been pals ever since, often snuggling together on cold winter nights.
He was also our little “palujay (clown)”, our instigator. He loved to stalk and pounce and chase the other cats, especially Kibble. He loved to rough n’ tumble, roll around the yard “play-fighting” with Jingle. He was always looking for trouble. We have a couple of pictures where his little paw is just poking into the frame of the picture as he was trying to engage one cat or the other with a bop to the hind end.
I loved the way he came running into the yard or into the house and up into my lap or one of the chairs as if to say, “Ta-da!! Here I am!” He was the only cat to really sit on my lap for any length of time. In the winter especially, he wanted to snuggle daily with me and I loved every minute of it. Those were precious moments of quietude and pure contentment.
He had a beautiful, full, luxurious coat which kept him very isolated from the cold weather, but was warm in the summer, so we took to having him groomed the last couple of years so he would not suffer so during the summer. Nevertheless, you could always tell where Fuzzywig had been in the house because he left a trail of long hair wherever he went.
You never really realize the moment you befriend one of these cats, that you will have to face some sort of ending at some point. You don’t think about that. Whatever the ending is, whatever situation unfolds, you just have to deal with it. I have experienced many endings now and I must say ---it does not get easier. In fact, for me, each instance has been thoroughly heart-breaking and gut-wrenching .
Since I began this journey with “the cats” almost 5 years ago, I have often had those middle-aged musings………Is this what I am meant to do the rest of my days on earth? Is this my true impact on the world? Many years ago I made a conscious decision to not have my own children, yet, look at the number I indeed had.
I would like to share a reading from Kahlil Gibran’s book, “The Prophet” . On the subject of Joy and Sorrow he writes:
“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Our dear beloved Fuzzywig, has truly been our delight.
Like our other cats now departed---whose stories I will share at a future time----we had him cremated and buried his ashes in the garden under a beautiful flowering plant so we will ever be reminded of his unconditional love and indescribable spirit.
I have been grieving profoundly..... mostly crying at night as I get ready for bed--when things tend to weigh heavily on my mind. I can't adequately explain the depth of grief to most people... not even to Marty. It is very private. And yet I am learning that telling the story, in this case, Fuzzywig's story, is part of how I process grief. I know that old trite saying "time heals all" has some truth, but I also know that some wounds even after well healed continue to be daily painful reminders of our frailties and vulnerability. Enough said for one night.......
Fuzzywig bopping Jingle
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1 comments:
I am glad I got to meet your dear boy. I love thinking of him under the beautiful plant. I agree that writing is a great tool for processing and resolving difficult things. Thanks for sharing it with us.
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